We hate the W.O.N.D.E.R. Technique and we hate the post “Campaign to Stop Negative Thinking”
1. WE HATE campaigns to stop negative thinking. Negative thinking is what we do. Mocking others gives us that warm, fuzzy feeling of self-righteous satisfaction and it’s really all that gets us through the day before we must face another night alone under the covers, rocking softly, back and forth, humming humming just for a sound, anything to prove that we are still actually alive. WE HURT W.O.N.D.E.R. Technique, and hate is what makes the pain tolerable! Don’t take that away from us!
2. WE HATE your lack of photos. We know from sitting in numerous doctor’s offices and police stations that inspiration is all about motivational posters, and we expect them to be plastered all over your blog. We are sorely disappointed. Also, mocking bad photos is part of our schtick. Our mold is broken. We are lost without our routine. Thanks a lot W.O.N.D.E.R. Technique.
You remind us of one of those guys from Ally McBeal. Or of Ally McBeal.
3. WE HATE having to put periods between all your capital letters. Make it easier for people. Lose the massive acronym.
4. WE HATE how you misunderstand the concept of a blog. You say, “[...] and without saying too much, in my life negative thoughts in the past have had some effect on me.” No, W.O.N.D.E.R. Technique, your blog is where you do say too much. Open up, big fella, let it all out. The blogosphere won’t judge you. And also, Captain Obvious, your frank admission that negative thoughts have affected you does not inspire us to join your little cult of healing. Get past the surface level stuff. Reveal things your mama would be embarrassed to have birthed you over.
This makes us want to do acid.
5. WE HATE your affirmation cards. We already read Stuart Smalley.
Now a U.S. Senator. Thanks again, Minnesota.
