We hate your blog.

We hate The Western Theater Civil War Blog, and we hate your post October.

1. WE HATE the Civil War. There, we said it. Look, it’s not that we hate war, it’s just that we hate the Civil War. This is entirely because of Gods and Generals.

2. WE HATE that Bryan S. Bush is a Civil War reenacter, historian, author and tour guide, yet refuses to wear flamboyant facial hair. Come on, guy. You’ve got the perfect excuse.

Our blogger, Bryan S. Bush, shown here just about to go grocery shopping.

3. WE HATE your use of technology. It’s going to hurt little children’s brains. You give your lecture, all gussied up era-appropriate, with a power point? Little children are going to grow up thinking that Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves via a tweet. The tweet retweeted across the world.

And the most tragic retweet in history? “RT @lankyprez, watching Our American Cousin. Total meh. #nightswithmary”

4. WE HATE that nowhere on your blog could we find the phrase “light out for the territory.” If we were you, we’d drop as much Civil War slang into our daily life as possible. For instance:  in Civil War slang, you don’t wear a hat, you wear a Hat of Northern Aggression.

5. WE HATE your Facebook group for your Bus Tour. Listen, we’re all about web marketing. (Tell your friends!) It’s just that we like our historians the same way we like our history: historical.

Here’s what you do. Grow those mutton-chops, or at least a waxy mustache. Buy yourself a wagon, a team of horses and a violin. Next, you write yourself some catchy songs that tell the story of the battles, and you go from town to town, and you sing for your supper.

What we are trying to say is, you need to really immerse yourself in your passion. Become what you seek to reenact.

You seem to half-way this. We don’t think you’re trying hard enough to bring the Civil War to life. We think, and let us know if we’re off here, that you don’t even like the Civil War that much.

We’ve seen this a million times before, and, hopefully, you can take some comfort in that. You only give Civil War bus tours and give lectures on obscure Civil War generals for money. It’s your day job.

Don’t worry, we understand. There are people like you, people who hollowly drone on about the Civil War because it sells, but who secretly would love to reenact the French and Indian War.

Lucky bastards.

We know. It’s okay. But we still hate your blog.