We hate your blog.

We hate the blog TV Rocks My Socks and we hate the post Now We Are So Happy, We Do the Dance of Joy!

1. WE HATE that your blog states the degree to which TV effects your socks – all the way to “rocks” – yet you do not address much of the current television which truly is sock rockworthy. And by sock rockworthy, we’re talking about those shows on the History Channel that prove that Nostradamus predicted the Kanye West fracas, that UFO’s are preparing to take over the United States through our food supply, or that on December 21st, 2012, something terrible will happen, probably because the idiot masses are so certain something will that they’re daring al-Qaeda or FARC or The Daughters of the Revolution to fulfill that prophecy. With all due respect, this is the TV that should be rocking said socks.

2. WE HATE being reminded that, at one point in our lives, we had an unhealthy fascination with Balki Bartokomous.

Now, looking back, it’s a ridiculous situation for a situation comedy. A nice guy gets a visit from his “foreign” sounding (thanks, Andy Kaufman) cousin and gets raked into taking care of him. Hilarity ensues as Balki can’t tell the toaster from the microwave! Two cameras, a laugh track and foreign-y accents? Why would we ever waste our time watching The Wire?

Did it ever bother Cousin Larry that his foreign cousin was whiter than he was?

3. WE HATE that you also bring up another show from our past, Family Matters. By proxy, you are breaching the subject of Steve Urkel. Since Steve Urkel was portrayed as a nerd, we are certain that the character of Steve Urkel was an attempt by an ultraconservative religious group to turn people off of science. And it worked. Steve Urkel stymied all chances of us living on the Moon before the Chinese. Without Steve Urkel, we would have had an AIDS vaccine before we had the iPod. Steve Urkel killed the electric car.

We didn’t remember that Family Matters was a spinoff of Perfect Strangers, and we hate that you made us care about that fact long enough to type this sentence.

4. WE HATE your reasoning for liking these shows. You say that one must be inebriated or five years old to like Perfect Strangers. Well, when we watched this show, we were inebriated and a five year old. And still, the only reason we can see for liking it at the time was because we lived in a small town and we were ignorant.

5. WE HATE the fact that, really, we could have boiled down this entire post into two phrases: “don’t be ridiculous!” and “did I do that?”

“Did I do that?” “Don’t be ridiculous!” “Did I do that?” “Don’t be ridiculous!” “Did I do that?” “Don’t be ridiculous!” Ten years of our life right there, down the crapper. Thanks, TV Rocks My Socks.