We hate I Hate Cilantro.
1. WE HATE the specificity of your hate. More so because we don’t completely hate your writing (our hate is variable). You’re like an OK salesperson cashiering in a store that sells only ashtrays. We want you to quit your job. We hate because we love.
2. WE HATE that your banner is well-designed. What a waste.
We want to eat your face. How does that make you feel?
3. WE HATE your author photo. You had other photos you could have used, but you just had to use the one of you on your cell phone. You also pretend to move away from crowds to talk on your cell phone, but actually move to the most visible place possible and talk loudly anyway.
"Sorry, I'll have to call you back. I need to write an urgent blog post about cilantro."
4. WE HATE that when we make a big batch of salsa later today we’re going to think about your blog. We’re going to see that face … that cilantro face. We’re going to pause to consider what we’re doing and think that maybe, just maybe, we could leave the cilantro out. You know, on the odd chance that some anti-cilantro freak stops by and wants to eat salsa. Honestly, when will you elitist cilantro-Nazi’s just leave us alone? We just want to enjoy our food, but no. No! You just have to start a blog.
5. WE HATE that you hate something we love. How dare you? We’re taking it personally.
